(regarding a movie entitled, "Clara's Deadly Secret")
him(whispering): she has teeth in her vagina!
me: that's a sad secret!
***
me: if i could just have periods for the rest of my life and not go through menopause at all, that's what i would prefer.
him: no! then sampy would be right! you'd be an old lady and you'd die!
(sampy is our dog who sniffs my crotch very concernedly every time i am menstruating)
***
him: and your hormones have stabilized nicely. the last thing we need to do is mess them up.
(in reference to not taking birth control pills)
***
him: i had a dream you will not like.
me: what?
him: i dreamed you gave birth to twins.
me: AAAAAAGGGHGHGHHHH!!!
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